Padlankab is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, compassionate faun.

Padlankab created the universe five billion years ago.

If you believe in Padlankab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Padlankab, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Padlankab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Padlankab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Padlankab first in all things.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Birds are not to be trusted.

4. Do not run in public.

5. Do not covet oxen.