Bonkvandod is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, loving guinea pig.

Bonkvandod created a top quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkvandod, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bonkvandod, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bonkvandod's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bonkvandod's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Bonkvandod.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in white.

4. Always look after injured eagles.

5. Never feed carrots to great tits while wearing shirts.