Xemwaddimfongabzedappyik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, calm human.

Xemwaddimfongabzedappyik created the Sol system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemwaddimfongabzedappyik, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Xemwaddimfongabzedappyik, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Xemwaddimfongabzedappyik's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Xemwaddimfongabzedappyik's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never think about gravity near snakes while wearing white jumpers and balancing five gold spheres on your arms.

3. Never write about moons.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Voles are not to be trusted.