Vabtarcen is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, awesome bee.

Vabtarcen created Africa nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabtarcen, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Vabtarcen, she will be very unhappy.

Vabtarcen's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Vabtarcen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Vabtarcen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never mention frogs.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Run away from turquoise ants, for they are unholy.