Matran Fatpakgem is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, boastful crocodile.

Matran Fatpakgem created energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matran Fatpakgem, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Matran Fatpakgem, he will turn you into a hamster.

Matran Fatpakgem's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Matran Fatpakgem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Matran Fatpakgem loves snakes, so they must be respected.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not take Matran Fatpakgem's name in vain.

5. Never think about special relativity.