Tonfutcen is a god.

He takes the form of a large, smart horse.

Tonfutcen created dark matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tonfutcen, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tonfutcen, he will boil you in a big pot.

Tonfutcen's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Tonfutcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Put Tonfutcen first in all things.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.