Hintofort is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, generous bird.

Hintofort created snails eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hintofort, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Hintofort, he will manifest in front of you.

Hintofort's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Hintofort's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never go into mauve rooms.

3. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Hide if seven shrews approach from the east.