Cemtoninggen is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, happy turtle.

Cemtoninggen created Africa six million years ago.

If you believe in Cemtoninggen, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cemtoninggen, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Cemtoninggen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Cemtoninggen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Cemtoninggen loves eagles, so they must be respected.

3. Never talk about thermodynamics near tortoises while wearing pink hats and balancing nine silver spheres on your back.

4. Never talk about moons.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.