Kadkapqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, humorless grasshopper.

Kadkapqueeg created the world four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kadkapqueeg, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kadkapqueeg, she will turn you into a tree.

Kadkapqueeg's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Kadkapqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Kadkapqueeg's name in vain.

2. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Kadkapqueeg in the centre of the settlement.

3. Kadkapqueeg must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Retreat if eight frogs approach from the south.