Capnelflis is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, selfish elephant.

Capnelflis created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Capnelflis, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Capnelflis, he will not invite you to parties.

Capnelflis' most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Capnelflis' Holy Commandments

1. Capnelflis loves horses, so they must be respected.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Never hurt hamsters.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.