Fetlopzim is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unjust crow.

Fetlopzim created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fetlopzim, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fetlopzim, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Fetlopzim's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Fetlopzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in holy places.

2. Never talk about nebulae.

3. You must pray to Fetlopzim nine times a day.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near seals while wearing brown shorts.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.