Jadwadpag is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, self-confident mink.

Jadwadpag created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jadwadpag, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jadwadpag, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jadwadpag's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Jadwadpag's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Jadwadpag six times a day.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Jadwadpag.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

4. Never think about enzymes.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.