Tarjamzim is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, fussy shark.

Tarjamzim created carbon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarjamzim, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tarjamzim, it will turn you into a puffin.

Tarjamzim's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Tarjamzim's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Never eat garlic.

3. Do not hurt porpoises.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

5. Do not chop down trees.