Ortlanmid Flatflagrutt is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, astonishing seal.

Ortlanmid Flatflagrutt created a top quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortlanmid Flatflagrutt, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ortlanmid Flatflagrutt, it will think nothing of it.

Ortlanmid Flatflagrutt's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Ortlanmid Flatflagrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your arms.

2. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never paint your feet turquoise.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.