Sastalcap is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, tiresome fish.

Sastalcap created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sastalcap, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sastalcap, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Sastalcap's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sastalcap's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

3. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never eat bark.