Vannullcan is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, almighty yak.

Vannullcan created the world nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vannullcan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Vannullcan, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Vannullcan's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Vannullcan's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Vannullcan loves goats, so they must be respected.

4. Never feed coconuts to aardvarks while wearing brown shirts.

5. Do not dye your hair fawn.