Cussmigcin Tailvolyok is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, irritating salamander.

Cussmigcin Tailvolyok created bats nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cussmigcin Tailvolyok, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Cussmigcin Tailvolyok, she will throw large rocks at you.

Cussmigcin Tailvolyok's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Cussmigcin Tailvolyok's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Always wear turquoise.