Rilgemruttmiswapfabpad is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, egotistical swallow.

Rilgemruttmiswapfabpad created the planet Earth six billion years ago.

If you believe in Rilgemruttmiswapfabpad, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Rilgemruttmiswapfabpad, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Rilgemruttmiswapfabpad's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Rilgemruttmiswapfabpad's Holy Commandments

1. Always help bats in need.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.

3. Hide if five geese approach from the north.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Do not make images of living things.