Jarnhab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, dishonest goat.

Jarnhab created a photon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnhab, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jarnhab, he will turn you into a frog.

Jarnhab's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Jarnhab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

3. Never paint your arms black.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never wear mauve boots.