Fastambus is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, prudent swallow.

Fastambus created an up quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fastambus, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Fastambus, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Fastambus' most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Fastambus' Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Erect six iron sculptures of Fastambus on top of important buildings.

3. Run away from mauve geese, for they are unholy.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not speak about figs.