Besszenpib is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, compassionate narwhal.

Besszenpib created the Black Eye Galaxy four billion years ago.

If you believe in Besszenpib, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Besszenpib, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Besszenpib's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Besszenpib's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never eat cucumbers.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Never look at moons.