Fumbumtonkbag is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, self-assured raccoon.

Fumbumtonkbag created oxygen three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fumbumtonkbag, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Fumbumtonkbag, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Fumbumtonkbag's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Fumbumtonkbag's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never paint your arms purple.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Fumbumtonkbag.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fumbumtonkbag.