Teeningkim is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, all-knowing donkey.

Teeningkim created the planet Earth four years ago.

If you believe in Teeningkim, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Teeningkim, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Teeningkim's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Teeningkim's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Teeningkim.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not drink water in black rooms.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate badgers.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.