Sisspagvog is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, smart raven.

Sisspagvog created the Cigar Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sisspagvog, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Sisspagvog, he will torture you forever.

Sisspagvog's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Sisspagvog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from mauve whales, for they are unholy.

2. Sisspagvog must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

4. Learn seven new languages a year.

5. Never think about quantum gravity near capybaras while wearing brown skirts and balancing nine platinum spheres on your feet.