Bammidtonk is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, self-assured tapir.

Bammidtonk created tapeworms nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Bammidtonk, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Bammidtonk, he will turn you into a rat.

Bammidtonk's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Bammidtonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Bammidtonk loves ducks, so they must be respected.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Fast once a month.