Carstancithas is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, slow tapir.

Carstancithas created the solar system two million years ago.

If you believe in Carstancithas, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Carstancithas, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Carstancithas' most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Carstancithas' Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

2. Do not wear violet clothing.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Carstancithas.

4. Do not drink water in black rooms.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.