Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, selfish parrot.

Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed created everything that exists seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed, it will manifest in front of you.

Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near turtles while wearing gray shirts and balancing four nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Never talk about chlorophyll.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Worship no other gods but Garnurtont Hamcepnutt Lamfuthapzed.

5. Porpoises are not to be trusted.