Afsidlat is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unselfish gorilla.

Afsidlat created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Afsidlat, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Afsidlat, she will jump up and down on your head.

Afsidlat's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Afsidlat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum field theory near tapirs while wearing orange shoes.

2. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.