Yarpbastlarn is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, clever rhinoceros.

Yarpbastlarn created energy five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarpbastlarn, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yarpbastlarn, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Yarpbastlarn's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Yarpbastlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Always help porpoises in need.

3. Do not hurt capybaras.

4. Run away from mauve doves, for they are unholy.

5. Draw representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.