Jarnstik Febzogcad is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, able human.

Jarnstik Febzogcad created a charm quark nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jarnstik Febzogcad, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jarnstik Febzogcad, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Jarnstik Febzogcad's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Jarnstik Febzogcad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed onions to manatees while wearing purple kilts.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never think about dark energy near swans while wearing blue shirts and balancing eight platinum spheres on your face.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Respect your elders.