Cemtonkfon is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, unthinking fish.

Cemtonkfon created a photon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cemtonkfon, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Cemtonkfon, she will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Cemtonkfon's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Cemtonkfon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never talk about gravity.

4. Hide from pink geese for they are unholy.

5. Never mention sharks.