Capkemdan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, grumpy donkey.

Capkemdan created humanity three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capkemdan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Capkemdan, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Capkemdan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Capkemdan's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Capkemdan.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never talk about nucleic acids.

4. Always help grasshopers in need.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.