Gemranwik is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, pitiless squirrel.

Gemranwik created energy three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemranwik, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gemranwik, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gemranwik's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Gemranwik's Holy Commandments

1. Erect five copper sculptures of Gemranwik on top of important buildings.

2. Gemranwik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Always obey Gemranwik's priests.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.