Talyartmidkad is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, narcissistic wombat.

Talyartmidkad created the planet Venus four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Talyartmidkad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Talyartmidkad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Talyartmidkad's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Talyartmidkad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant orange sculpture of Talyartmidkad in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Never wear pink stockings.

4. Do not keep nine rats in a large pit.

5. Do not trade with those who eat apples.