Fithakstig is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, stupid manatee.

Fithakstig created the planet Earth eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fithakstig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Fithakstig, it will destroy your home galaxy.

Fithakstig's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Fithakstig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark matter near horses while wearing indigo trousers and balancing six platinum spheres on your neck.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never feed lots of garlic to monkeys while wearing blue tights.