Mutcapfed is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, clever whale.

Mutcapfed created an atom three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mutcapfed, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Mutcapfed, she will turn you into a worm.

Mutcapfed's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Mutcapfed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near tortoises while wearing brown kilts.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.