Bell Govlidjarnyat is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unjust skunk.

Bell Govlidjarnyat created bats five million years ago.

If you believe in Bell Govlidjarnyat, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bell Govlidjarnyat, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bell Govlidjarnyat's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Bell Govlidjarnyat's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.