Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, confident giraffe.

Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Quimshavgatjon Tunsaklidmanarf four times a day.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

3. Do not eat aubergines.

4. Hide if six bats approach from the east.

5. Pray towards the west.