Bapcimhivjap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, bad-tempered swallow.

Bapcimhivjap created the Small Magellanic Cloud two years ago.

If you believe in Bapcimhivjap, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bapcimhivjap, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bapcimhivjap's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Bapcimhivjap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Bapcimhivjap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never eat nuts.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Bapcimhivjap.

4. Never think about eukaryotes.

5. Always take life seriously.