Ciptomkan is a god.

It takes the form of a large, ill-tempered newt.

Ciptomkan created Africa nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ciptomkan, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ciptomkan, it will have a low opinion of you.

Ciptomkan's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Ciptomkan's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about amino acids.

2. Always obey Ciptomkan's priests.

3. Never talk about gravity near tortoises while wearing white shoes and balancing three platinum spheres on your hands.

4. Never bounce in holy places.

5. Retreat if five dolphins approach from the south.