Goffly is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, humorless goat.

Goffly created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Goffly, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Goffly, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Goffly's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Goffly's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Put Goffly first in all things.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Erect nine lead sculptures of Goffly on top of important buildings.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.