Flyquartpang is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, omniscient pig.

Flyquartpang created the universe twelve years ago.

If you believe in Flyquartpang, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Flyquartpang, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Flyquartpang's most sacred site is Outchimedu in India.

Flyquartpang's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never feed cherries to otters while wearing mauve stockings.

3. Never think about dark matter near voles while wearing yellow rings and balancing nine nickel spheres on your feet.

4. Run away from fawn horses, for they are unholy.

5. Always wear indigo.