Loptithit is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, overgenerous parrot.

Loptithit created a quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Loptithit, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Loptithit, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Loptithit's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Loptithit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink alcohol.