Cum is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, competent lizard.

Cum created energy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cum, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Cum, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Cum's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Cum's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured goats.

2. Always help gulls.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never sprint in the presence of aardvarks.