Titquatnarl is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful faun.

Titquatnarl created the cosmos eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Titquatnarl, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Titquatnarl, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Titquatnarl's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Titquatnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not take Titquatnarl's name in vain.

3. Do not speak about bananas.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Never wear stockings.