Bagfon is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, stupid turtle.

Bagfon created Asia six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bagfon, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bagfon, she will be mildly annoyed.

Bagfon's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bagfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

2. Never sing near bats.

3. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Bagfon in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not take Bagfon's name in vain.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.