Pitartbif is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, pitiless rhinoceros.

Pitartbif created a charm quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pitartbif, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Pitartbif, he will turn you into a sheep.

Pitartbif's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Pitartbif's Holy Commandments

1. Learn four new languages a year.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never chant in holy places.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near mice while wearing purple dresses and balancing three silicon spheres on your hands.

5. Always help manatees.