Lagcapflab is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, wise hedgehog.

Lagcapflab created Mount Everest three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagcapflab, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Lagcapflab, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lagcapflab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Lagcapflab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear platinum on your body.

2. Learn nine new languages a year.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate porpoises.

4. Do not speak about spinach.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Lagcapflab on top of all buildings.