Vannurtag is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, smart dryad.

Vannurtag created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Vannurtag, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Vannurtag, it will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Vannurtag's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Vannurtag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight tapirs approach from the south.

2. Put Vannurtag first in all things.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near moths while wearing blue corsets and balancing seven carbon spheres on your back.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vannurtag.

5. Never eat cucumbers.