Capdumvab is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, dishonourable lobster.

Capdumvab created the Milkyway nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Capdumvab, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Capdumvab, she will destroy your favourite star.

Capdumvab's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Capdumvab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed figs to tortoises while wearing orange ear rings.

2. Do not kill hamsters.

3. Always help seals in need.

4. Never talk about asteroids.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.